say hi to cut

bought new sunglasses
the type where you can cry 
and no one would know

i walked around my old school 
and cut myself deep just to see
if anything comes out

the bright red trickled down into my palm
as i kept walking while my tears fell
 i brought my hand up into the sky 
and licked my wound just to see how it tastes like

it tastes like iron and loneliness
like metallic rust on an old volkswagen bumper
left out in the rain 

i went back to the convenience store
where me and my friends would go
when we were still in highschool

i bought fresh milk
and drank fresh tears
with the sleeping cat beside me

a punk boy sat beside me 
but i was too engrossed in my book
or atleast i was pretending to
i don't want to interact with anyone
when im not stable enough
for fear that they'd find me crazy

he left with his motorcycle

my mother called 
she's with dad travelling somewhere
and asked how am i
i pretended to sound cheerful
and said i was fine
as the tears fell from my eyes

it's hard
it's hard
it's hard

i don't know what will happen to me 
i'm not even sure if i'll be around long enough
to get a cup of coffee next week

i feel like im going to snap any second
i feel strained and tired and useless
the thread that's holding my sanity is about to break

whatever happens, happens

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