it started out while we were drinking
we thought about a lot of things
i was still carrying a heavy load
that i should have dropped a long time ago

as the night got deeper
our conversations became more meaningful
as everyone started to leave
we sat facing each other
cross legged and smiling
on top of our terrace
as we thought about life
and how far we have come

we fagged out on marlboro blacks
which made me smile because it
smelt like cheap lucky strikes

we laid on the ground
and looked at the stars
and the shining full moon

we started asking the questions
we were too afraid to ask
about life and death
cosmos and stars

in the middle of it all
came a shooting star
which we immediately wished on

it is time to give my self importance
its time to trust myself
its time to live my life

thank you
thank you
thank you

i will never forget this night
and the things we shared
with each other

you're right


life is wonderful.

1. Go to the gym everyday.
2. No more rice
3. No more binge eating
4. Take into consideration what you eat or do
5. Distract yourself
6. No chocolates
7. Minimal bread
8. Oatmeal is a yes
9. Be healthy-minded. No more milk teas.
10. Greentea in the morning or evening. Remember to recycle.
11. Sketch more. Sleep more. Do more.
12. Water. Only drink water from now on.
13. No cheating or shortening of exercises. One day this will all be worth it.
14. DO YOUR LEG EXERCISES. No cheating or skipping.
15. Listen to music.
16. Do not spend money on useless things. Make investments instead.
17. Inspire and remind yourself why you're doing this.
18. Do more. Be more. Be happy. Be satisfied. Do not disappoint.
19. Get back on the right track.
20. Go at your own pace.
21. Do the right thing all the time
22. You don't need to socialize when you don't feel like it.
23. Find books that inspire, go to places that inspire, do things that inspire.
24. Do well on studies. Always. No excuses. Do what you have to do.
25. Be interesting.
26. Be well groomed and presentable at all times.
27. Be yourself. Love yourself. Be goal-oriented.
28. Bear all the irritation and espeglerie of people around you.
29. Dress whatever you like. Mr. Galliano's words.
30. Inspire. Inspire. Inspire. Inspire. But don't get your head in the clouds for too long.
31. Buy one luxury item a month.
32. Never stop learning.
33. Learn how to sew. Find a sewing machine.
34. Experience is the best teacher.
35. Do your own thing. Don't follow trends. Create them.

I just woke up from a nap and it's raining outside. I've had this blog for 6 years and a month ago I decided to delete everything and start anew. It's going to be very different from my previous blogging and it's good. I'm starting to learn that change is good. It's the only constant thing in the world. So I'm trying to change my older view on things and start enjoying life for what it is.

This morning, as I was on my way to my first class, I realized something very important. I've been in a bad mood and stuck in a rut for the past few days, weeks, months and quite frankly, I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of how I always look for a reason to feel bad. It's like I don't even think I deserve to be happy which is completely untrue. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to get the best out of my life, I deserve to have what I have and most of all, I deserve to love myself.

So I have realized one thing as the guard checked my back. I was on Tumblr until 3am last night and I couldn't get this quote by Charles Bukowski out of my head. He wrote that life's as kind as you let it be. What a statement. It was so simple and so right that it couldn't be wrong. Why was I looking for reasons to make myself feel worse when I can feel good about myself and my life?

That was the moment I decided to get out of the cage I've made for myself and break free of everything that I thought I should feel, look, and act. I smiled at people and I laughed at myself when I made a mistake instead of feeling bad and mulling over where it went wrong. It feels so good to be kind to myself that in return, life is being so kind to me. It's wonderful. It's liberating.. It's beautiful. What a time to be alive!

Everything went according to life's plan after that. Everything went smoothly and I feel like I get a free do over in my life and it feels great. I shouldn't take myself so seriously because it's my life after all and I am entitled to some mistakes. It's better to stop wasting my time worrying about anything and everything and instead start living it.

That was my aha moment this morning. I hope you feel good about yourself and love life for what it has many yet to offer. But if not, it's never to late to change isn't it?

-Candy