Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts
say hi to gah humbug
On Sunday, November 24, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Coffee,
Diary,
journal,
Place,
Shops,
Study
if i stay here at home
i know i'll never get anything done
and i really want to study and
do my own research and read
but i can't do that here
everything's so noisy and open
i want to study in a secluded corner
all alone and completely quiet.
but ofcourse the lack of coffeeshops
or any other shops for that matter
is annoying.
there's nowhere else i can go
i know i'll never get anything done
and i really want to study and
do my own research and read
but i can't do that here
everything's so noisy and open
i want to study in a secluded corner
all alone and completely quiet.
but ofcourse the lack of coffeeshops
or any other shops for that matter
is annoying.
there's nowhere else i can go
say hi to what is up today
On Wednesday, November 20, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Am I depressed?,
Diary,
I don't know,
journal,
Nothing,
Thoughts,
Today
there's something about today
that makes me want to retreat somewhere
i woke up and i thought,
'oh my god, i feel like dying'
and now i just want this day to end
i want to do nothing
and be nothing
i hate it when i feel this way
nothing is better than nothing
i just want to sleep somewhere
and die a little
that makes me want to retreat somewhere
i woke up and i thought,
'oh my god, i feel like dying'
and now i just want this day to end
i want to do nothing
and be nothing
i hate it when i feel this way
nothing is better than nothing
i just want to sleep somewhere
and die a little
say hi to star gazing
On Saturday, November 16, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Cosmos,
Diary,
Epiphanies,
I am Happy,
journal,
life,
personal,
Poetry,
Shooting,
Star
it started out while we were drinking
we thought about a lot of things
i was still carrying a heavy load
that i should have dropped a long time ago
as the night got deeper
our conversations became more meaningful
as everyone started to leave
we sat facing each other
cross legged and smiling
on top of our terrace
as we thought about life
and how far we have come
we fagged out on marlboro blacks
which made me smile because it
smelt like cheap lucky strikes
we laid on the ground
and looked at the stars
and the shining full moon
we started asking the questions
we were too afraid to ask
about life and death
cosmos and stars
in the middle of it all
came a shooting star
which we immediately wished on
it is time to give my self importance
its time to trust myself
its time to live my life
thank you
thank you
thank you
i will never forget this night
and the things we shared
with each other
you're right
life is wonderful.
we thought about a lot of things
i was still carrying a heavy load
that i should have dropped a long time ago
as the night got deeper
our conversations became more meaningful
as everyone started to leave
we sat facing each other
cross legged and smiling
on top of our terrace
as we thought about life
and how far we have come
we fagged out on marlboro blacks
which made me smile because it
smelt like cheap lucky strikes
we laid on the ground
and looked at the stars
and the shining full moon
we started asking the questions
we were too afraid to ask
about life and death
cosmos and stars
in the middle of it all
came a shooting star
which we immediately wished on
it is time to give my self importance
its time to trust myself
its time to live my life
thank you
thank you
thank you
i will never forget this night
and the things we shared
with each other
you're right
life is wonderful.
say hi to ---
On Saturday, November 9, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Diary,
Japanese,
Memories,
Painting
思い出は持てるだけ、
もっていこうよ。
たよりない世界には必要。
消えないように消さないように、
何もかも塗り替えていく。
Memories are the only things we can keep,
so we should hold onto them.
A necessity in this unreliable world.
So that they don’t disappear,
I’ll convert them all to paintings.
もっていこうよ。
たよりない世界には必要。
消えないように消さないように、
何もかも塗り替えていく。
Memories are the only things we can keep,
so we should hold onto them.
A necessity in this unreliable world.
So that they don’t disappear,
I’ll convert them all to paintings.
say hi to the 12 apostles
Just got back from yet another roadtrip
to celebrate my grandmother's 40 days
we have this tradition where
the soul doesn't leave the earth
until the 40th day
we do all kinds of stuff
like reinacting (sp?) the last supper
using 12 children
we lay out some food
so while the older people pray
the kids start eating
i asked my aunts why
we have to do that
and none of them knows
which is pretty ironic
considering we've been doing
this every time someone dies
i think sometimes religion
is really ridiculous
we just follow blindly
whatever tradition we have
without stopping and asking,
"What's the use?"
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say hi to words
I used to really
write a lot
I enjoyed writing
and making up dream worlds
That I wish I lived
in
People said that I
was good at it
And I believed them
But to me writing
has always been
And always will be a
form of escape
I write for the sake
of writing
But I can't even
bring myself
To touch a pen and
open a notebook
These days
I'm afraid of
writing
It's where
everything got fucked
It's where I find
solace
But now I can't
bring myself to write anymore
I'm afraid that I
might not be good enough for it
Which is fucking
ridiculous because I never wrote stories to please anyone but myself
Maybe one day I'll
find the courage to write again.
I miss it.
say hi to pink skies and blue dreams
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
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Blue,
camiguin,
Clouds,
Diary,
island,
Kinoguitan,
Painting,
personal,
Photo,
Photography,
Pink,
Seawall,
Sky
took snaps of the sunset in the seawall
the pink sky looks like a monet painting
say hi to the end of the beginning
i feel irritated
like i can't stand being with people
i don't want to deal with anything
i can't deal with anything and everything
last night
the world came crashing down on me again
i thought everything was alright now
but when you stretch a rubber to its limit
it's hard for it to stay the way it was before
i've been to hell and back
and it was a pleasant stay
now everything doesn't mean anything
change everything
delete all traces
self-actualize
where do i begin?
like i can't stand being with people
i don't want to deal with anything
i can't deal with anything and everything
last night
the world came crashing down on me again
i thought everything was alright now
but when you stretch a rubber to its limit
it's hard for it to stay the way it was before
i've been to hell and back
and it was a pleasant stay
now everything doesn't mean anything
change everything
delete all traces
self-actualize
where do i begin?
say hi to galaxies
On Wednesday, November 6, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Diary,
Fireworks,
Galaxy,
Long Exposure,
personal,
Photo,
Photography
.JPG)
say hi to accurate
All of my dreams came true,
especially the ones where I'm
floating, and the ones where
I have a test and never went
to any of the classes.
say hi to blue
On Tuesday, November 5, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Are you happy?,
change,
Clouds,
Diary,
personal,
Photo,
Photography,
Sky
the clouds look happy from up here
i hope tomorrow's going to be a good day
say hi to shift
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
change,
Course,
Diary,
journal,
personal,
Psychology,
Shift,
Thoughts
i feel like i made the right choice
but right or not im going to where it makes me happy
if i stayed any longer i really feel like im
going to kill myself
the course was great
but i dont feel like i belong
i've never fitted anywhere good in my life
i hate it
its kind of weird to study psychology
when i myself am a nutcase
but i want to understand
why i am the way i am
and why people are the way they are
and why we hurt each other
when we're suppose to love
change seems like a soft haze
i hate change
i want everything to be constant
but maybe it's time
to let go of things
and start anew
but right or not im going to where it makes me happy
if i stayed any longer i really feel like im
going to kill myself
the course was great
but i dont feel like i belong
i've never fitted anywhere good in my life
i hate it
its kind of weird to study psychology
when i myself am a nutcase
but i want to understand
why i am the way i am
and why people are the way they are
and why we hurt each other
when we're suppose to love
change seems like a soft haze
i hate change
i want everything to be constant
but maybe it's time
to let go of things
and start anew
say hi to korea!
On Monday, November 4, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Adventure,
Diary,
Fun,
Knick Knacks,
Korea,
Korean,
Kristina Isabel,
Magazine,
Photo,
Photography,
Status
photos by kristina isabel
say hi to cut
On Sunday, November 3, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Book,
Depression,
Diary,
journal,
Milan Kundera,
The Unbearable Lightness of Being,
Thoughts
bought new sunglasses
the type where you can cry
and no one would know
i walked around my old school
and cut myself deep just to see
if anything comes out
the bright red trickled down into my palm
as i kept walking while my tears fell
i brought my hand up into the sky
and licked my wound just to see how it tastes like
it tastes like iron and loneliness
like metallic rust on an old volkswagen bumper
left out in the rain
i went back to the convenience store
where me and my friends would go
when we were still in highschool
when we were still in highschool
i bought fresh milk
and drank fresh tears
with the sleeping cat beside me
a punk boy sat beside me
but i was too engrossed in my book
or atleast i was pretending to
i don't want to interact with anyone
when im not stable enough
for fear that they'd find me crazy
he left with his motorcycle
my mother called
she's with dad travelling somewhere
and asked how am i
i pretended to sound cheerful
and said i was fine
as the tears fell from my eyes
it's hard
it's hard
it's hard
i don't know what will happen to me
today,
tomorrow
i'm not even sure if i'll be around long enough
to get a cup of coffee next week
i feel like im going to snap any second
i feel strained and tired and useless
the thread that's holding my sanity is about to break
whatever happens, happens
say hi to 4:35 pm
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
change,
depressed,
Diary,
Feelings,
journal,
Love,
rain,
Thoughts,
tired
the raindrops keep falling hard
splick splak
and along with it
goes the beating of my heart
it feels overwhelming
but strangely comforting
at the same time
how can something
that gives you great joy
cause you so much pain?
it's scary how love can change people
it's scary how people can change
but
it's even scarier when you
change yourself to match
the people you love
splick splak
and along with it
goes the beating of my heart
it feels overwhelming
but strangely comforting
at the same time
how can something
that gives you great joy
cause you so much pain?
it's scary how love can change people
it's scary how people can change
but
it's even scarier when you
change yourself to match
the people you love
sad hallows eve
On Wednesday, October 30, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Are you happy?,
Bali,
Beach,
Boy,
Daul,
Depression,
Diary,
Dysthymia,
Halloween,
I miss you,
Ipanema,
journal,
Melancholy,
Moment,
Monster
i had an ipanema boy moment in bali
i was waiting for the sunset but it never came
i left before it showed itself to me
there was a peaceful kind of feeling
or was it melancholy?
im turning black again
cuts all over
rotting flesh
being like this is like carrying a scary monster
on your back and it squeezes your heart
until you can no longer breathe
it whispers venomous words
that leave you paralyzed
it's halloween
nothing special
im already a monster
say hi to i want to rot inside your skin
On Tuesday, October 29, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Agfa,
Diary,
Film,
Flower,
I want to rot inside your skin,
journal,
Metaphor,
personal,
Plant
life has a funny way of torturing you
all alone with your thoughts
like a flower in bloom
when exposed to unfortunate pressure
gets crushed
leaving nothing but their scent
against your palm
and their juices between
your fingers
i am waiting for that hand
to crush my insides
so i can go on living
as a wilted, weightless, worthless flower.
please allow me to die in your hands
so that i can rot inside your skin
and i will forever be with you
영원히.
say hi to the end
i guess this is the end
it was painful while it lasted
will i feel better once everything
has been said and done?
because this feeling that im feeling
is consuming me,
rotting my insides,
and poisoning my mind
in the end
i watched myself fall
like a bystander
watching my pain from afar
destroying myself in the process
and hurting the people round me
im sorry
but sorry is not enough
this will never be enough
nothing will never be enough
i am not enough
i was nothing, i am nothing, i were nothing
say hi to frustrating
On Friday, October 25, 2013
by
Candy Monster
with
No comments
-
Annoying,
Diary,
Frustrating GET OUT OF MY FACE,
I CAN'T STAND MYSELF
internet connection is slow as fuck
today has been irritating and annoying
do you ever get that feeling?
that feeling of utter annoyance with nothing in particular
it just is
i'm not even on my period
actually i haven't had one for awhile now
no im not knocked up
i have a hormonal imbalance
which turns me into megabitch
so don't mess with me
even sleeping is annoying
EVERYTHING is annoying
writing this is annoying
i just want to scream a big fuck you
to nothing in particular
i can't even sleep this day off because everything is SO ANNOYING
i already cleaned up my usually messy study table
and rearranged my books
and took my medicine
and wrote in my journal
but the persistent feeling of annoyance stays
i usually feel like this when im depressed
i turn into an OCD monster
and try to clean everything in my way
or maybe im about to die of an unknown illness
i just want to puke
i can't even stand myself
could this be a stem for more deeper issues?
well i don't fucking know
fuck hormones
today has been irritating and annoying
do you ever get that feeling?
that feeling of utter annoyance with nothing in particular
it just is
i'm not even on my period
actually i haven't had one for awhile now
no im not knocked up
i have a hormonal imbalance
which turns me into megabitch
so don't mess with me
even sleeping is annoying
EVERYTHING is annoying
writing this is annoying
i just want to scream a big fuck you
to nothing in particular
i can't even sleep this day off because everything is SO ANNOYING
i already cleaned up my usually messy study table
and rearranged my books
and took my medicine
and wrote in my journal
but the persistent feeling of annoyance stays
i usually feel like this when im depressed
i turn into an OCD monster
and try to clean everything in my way
or maybe im about to die of an unknown illness
i just want to puke
i can't even stand myself
could this be a stem for more deeper issues?
well i don't fucking know
fuck hormones